10 Things to Consider When Planning a Proposal

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1. Do You Understand God's Design for Marriage?

If you haven't noticed, our society comes with a megaphone that declares distorted views on love and marriage, often stirring up mixed and confusing messages. But God's design for marriage comes with humble submission and heartfelt service. His love offers safe and healthy boundaries, allowing us to love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

God's view on marriage vastly contradicts the world's misguided perspective. As a future husband, it is imperative for you to understand what will set your marriage apart, and the significant role you play in protecting it and keeping it holy and sacred. Ephesians 5:21-33 lays out a beautiful depiction of a holy matrimony. One wrapped in submission and serving one another in love through Christ. I encourage you to read that passage and seek God to show you how you can be a Godly man and faithful husband.

Related: What Is God's Design for Marriage?

2. Have You Both Prepared Your Hearts for Marriage?

If you are both on the same page and eager to tie the knot, consider pre-engagement or pre-marital counseling. This vital process will allow you both to pause and reflect on how to plan for the longevity of your marriage under God's provision.

This investment in your future will be a blessing to you both. Many churches offer marriage counseling or prep classes, so look into that before you pop the question. I assure you that the long-term benefits will allow you both to face the many joys and trials throughout the years with hope and perseverance (James 1:2-4).

Related: 4 Tips from a New Bride to Maximize Pre-Marital Counseling

3. Did You Ask for Her Father's (or Parent's) Blessing?

Yes, this step is highly important! Let me first clarify that, while this may seem "old-fashioned," this gesture is cherished by a faithful father who treasures his beloved daughter. Because a father's innate role is to protect and provide for his daughter, he wants to ensure that provision will continue. This is why this man-to-man conversation is so meaningful—it lays out your intentions. Share how you plan to provide, protect, and cherish his daughter with an open and honest heart, and he will likely give you her hand and his blessing.

That said, if her father is not present or unable to be asked for a marid of reasons, it is wise to ask her mother or another family member to gain their approval for your marriage. Remember, you are not just marrying her, but her family.

4. Other Things to Consider When Popping the Question

So, you've prayed about this, dug into God's Word to gain a deeper understanding of your role as a husband, established a plan to prepare for your lifetime together, and have asked her father; you're all set—this is it! It's time to ask her if she will have the honor of "becoming your wife!"

As you plan the proposal, just remember to savor the moment—don't forget to breathe and slow down. Below are a few other factors to consider as you plan for this monumental occasion.

5. Make it Personal

What does your sweet girl like? What are her preferences? Would she prefer a more intimate and low-key type setting or more fanfare with family and friends by your side. At this point, you should know enough about her to be able to determine her unique style. This is important to know and understand because, as you plan with your mind, she is going to respond and be led by her heart.

By making your proposal personal, you are tapping into your sentimental side and showing her that you value her by taking the time and initiative to make this day meaningful. The setting and timing of this moment plays a big role, so choose with great care.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/FG Trade

6. Preparing a Heartfelt Speech

Your girl will likely sense you are nervous, and that's okay, because once she begins to see what is unfolding, she will likely become very nervous, too. Remember that it's not about saying the "perfect words" or delivering the most eloquent speech; it's about speaking from your heart. By preparing what you want to say ahead of time, you can reflect on your love story and rehearse it a few times to ensure you are confident and ready.

7. Factor in the Weather

There is always that element of surprise when it comes to a proposal, but the element of surprise that often goes unnoticed is the changing and unexpected weather patterns. If you plan to propose outside, check the weather to ensure it won't "rain on your parade," so to speak, unless, of course, you are seeking that element.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/FluxFactory

8. Be Flexible

Life happens, and you must be prepared for the unexpected. While you may have planned this proposal with great precision to detail, you must also have a little wiggle room and consider a contingency plan. In fact, having a few backup options is wise and will allow you to relax a bit if something doesn't go according to plan.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AzmanJaka

9. Pray for God to Lead You

The most important thing you can do is invite God into this most intimate occasion and ask Him to lead you. Pray for guidance and discernment, for the proposal to be purposeful and meaningful, and from this day forward, your commitment to one another be set on a firm foundation in Christ.

May I pray for you right now?

Father God, I lift up the young man reading these words right now. A man in love with Your precious daughter, longing for her to become his devoted wife. Soften his heart to see her the way You do. Reveal truth found in Your Word that tells him to humbly lead, provide, and protect her. Grant him tender ways to serve her as he submits to You, first. As they pave way into a beautiful future and lifetime together, guard their marriage and covenant against the ways of this world and allow them to be a light that shines boldly for you, O God. As Your son prepares for this special proposal, a day which marks the beginning of a beautiful love story together, I ask that You be with him in the preparation process. Speak courage over his heart, and give him the means to deliver a touching and personal moment that they will both hold dear and cherish. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

10. Remember That You're Planning for a Lifetime

A proposal is just a day. So is your wedding. That said, bumps and blunders are likely to occur. Embrace them knowing that it's not "a day" you are planning and preparing for, but a lifetime. From this day forward, set your focus on a precious partnership that allows you and your future bride to become one flesh under His authority, bound together by a covenant sealed with love–His love. That precious partnership will then give way for God to grow His kingdom as you both shepherd a younger generation (Psalm 127:4). Our loving God also grants this holy union the blessing of passion and intimacy as a sweet invitation to serve and adore one another (Hebrews 13:4). 

Partnership, parental authority, and passion serve one main purpose in this sacred union—to sanctify us and make us more like Christ. Focus on these truths going forward. May God richly bless you both as you embark on the most beautiful adventure yet!