6 Biblical Truths for the Depressed Dad Who Feels Like He’s Failing
Parenting
Audio By Carbonatix
By Vivian Bricker, Crosswalk.com
When I was younger, my mom used to share stories about her dad. Her dad worked in the army and later was a truck driver. Because my mom served in the army and constantly drove from state to state, she didn't get to see her dad much. However, when she did see him, she was overjoyed. With time, my mom noticed that her dad slowly became depressed, but he never openly talked about his feelings.
At times, he felt he was failing my mom, yet she consistently shared happy memories of her dad. While I don't know if my grandpa will ever know what an amazing dad he was on this earth, I'm sure he knows now in Heaven. Perhaps you are like my grandpa and feel like you are failing as a dad. Maybe you struggle with depression, and you think this makes you “a bad dad,” or you are always at work, unable to spend much time at home.
Never doubt yourself—you are an amazing dad. Having depression, struggles, or troubles does not make you a “bad dad.” The very fact that you are worried about failing shows that you are a good, caring, and kind dad. When feelings of failure creep into your mind, turn to the Bible. God’s Word can help you feel more hopeful, optimistic, and positive about yourself.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Nikola Stojadinovic
1. You Are Enough
“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority” (Colossians 2:9-10).
Even as Christ followers, we are not immune to feeling like failures. This can be particularly strong when we struggle with depression. Whenever you feel like you are failing, remind yourself that it's the voice of depression talking. No one thinks you are failing; they think you are doing a wonderful job. Unfortunately, we can be our toughest critics and fail to extend grace to ourselves.
When you look at your life, why do you think you are a failure? After you have listed a few reasons, run them through the Bible. For many of us with depression, we think we are a failure by default due to depression. We reason that we cannot do anything right, that everyone hates us, and that everyone is waiting for us to fail. Fight against these types of thoughts by reminding yourself that you are enough in Christ.
When depression tells you that you are failing, talk back to it by saying, “I have been given fullness in Christ. I am enough just as I am today.” You are enough because Christ is enough. Anything or anyone who tells you differently is a liar. Trust in God, rely on what He says, and allow His Word to mold you.
2. You Will Rise Again
“For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes” (Proverbs 24:16).
Regardless of our background, life experiences, or issues, we all struggle with failing at some point or another (Romans 3:23). We must normalize failing because we will not do everything perfectly all the time. Extend grace to yourself by saying, “It is okay if I fail. God will help me to rise again.” Failing can make us feel poorly as individuals, but we can remind ourselves that we can always try again tomorrow.
For example, maybe you feel like you are failing because you didn't show up for your child’s soccer game last week. Perhaps your depression was overpowering, and you locked yourself away. When you reflect upon this experience, tell yourself that you are only human. Dealing with depression is a huge struggle to work through every day. It is a blessing to make it through a single day.
Therefore, refrain from beating yourself down. We all mess up, but we can make changes for the future. For depression, this means reaching out to a primary care doctor and therapist. It can also be helpful to talk with other believers, pray to the Lord, and spend time in the Bible. Depression does not mean you are failing at being a dad, husband, son, or friend.
3. You Are Immeasurably Loved
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37-39).
One of the greatest biblical truths to remind ourselves when we are in the trenches is that God immeasurably loves us. Depression may make you feel unlovable at times, but challenge these thoughts by relying on God’s love. Simply knowing God’s love and accepting it can do wonders for our mental, spiritual, and emotional health. Accept God’s love and allow it to guide you. The more you get to know God and embrace His love, the more grace and love you will be able to extend to yourself.
You are not failing; you are simply struggling right now. Take some time to talk with the Lord in prayer about your struggles. He is always more than happy to hear from you. No feeling or emotion is “too big” or “too small” for Him. God meets you where you are and will cover you with His peace (Philippians 4:6-7).
4. God Goes Before You
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).
Feeling like we are failing can do a number on our self-esteem. Maybe you have already noticed your self-esteem has been damaged by depression. While it can be challenging, you can cultivate it once again. The first step is going to the Lord and trusting in Him. You have to fully believe that He goes before you, will guide you, and surround you with grace. There is no reason to fear, for He goes before you.
You might mess up, but it doesn't mean you are a failure. God has never said you are a failure, and He never will. Focus on what God says about you rather than the voices in your head. During the darkest days of depression, He will stay beside you and remind you that you are His beloved child (1 John 3:1). Come hills or valleys, God is with you (Psalm 23:1-6).
5. God Is Still Working in You
“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:3-6).
Depression can make us doubt ourselves, such as thinking, “I am going to mess up, so why even try?” Rather than feeding into these doubts, hold on to the biblical truth that God is still working on you. None of us has achieved perfection. Therefore, don't beat yourself down when you make a mistake. Extend grace, love, and support to yourself, just as you would do for your children.
God has begun a good work in you, and He will carry it on to completion. You may feel like you are failing today, but you will look back and see how much you have grown. Being a dad is a constant learning experience. Avoid measuring yourself by others. Despite what the voices of depression tell you, remind yourself that you are God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10).
6. You Are Doing Great
“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand” (Psalm 37:23-24).
When depression causes us to hit an all-time low, it can be challenging to believe anything good about ourselves. If you have found yourself in a position such as this, know that the voices are all wrong. You are doing a great job at being a dad. You keep getting up every morning and trying, and that is more than enough. Your wife is eternally thankful for your help, support, and love. Work as a team and allow God to strengthen your marriage through parenthood.
Depression is challenging, but it will not overcome you. Think about the things that are good instead of the things that are bad (Philippians 4:8-9). With time, you will no longer see yourself as failing. Instead, you will see yourself as learning. Continue to try your best, seek out guidance from God, and accept support from others. You are doing an amazing job; never doubt your worth in the eyes of God, your wife, and your children.
Related:
10 Ways Christians Can Fight Depression
5 Beautiful Lessons for Parents Suffering with Depression
